If you really need to get something done at work, especially when talking to your boss, try these on:

  • “How about never? Is never good for you?”

  • “That’s what I like about working for you: total freedom from hero worship. It’s very refreshing.”

  • “Someday, we’ll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.”

  • “No, my powers can only be used for good.”

Running out of insults? I’ve taken the liberty of gathering some generally witty and useful things to say when you feel like improving a co-workers self-esteem:

  • “You know Mike, I’ve realized of late that you’re a tad bitter for my taste. While that alone is cause enough for me to ignore you or simply shit all over your work, I do have to add that you’re all foam and no beer.”

  • (within earshot of the victim) “I gave Amy the project, but I’ve got to tell you. The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster is nowhere in sight. And the cage smells like piss.”

  • “James has a nice smile, but under no circumstances should he allowed to reproduce.”

You may also need some better away messages. While really I should file this under cynical and sarcastic rather than insulting, you might just tick someone off anyway. Give it a go:

  • “He is YOUR god, they are YOUR rules, YOU burn in hell.”

  • “We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much for so long that we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.”

  • “Hi, I’m probably here, I’m just avoiding someone I don’t want to talk to. Leave a message and if I don’t message you back, well, what can I say?”

  • “That’s it, no more free will.”

Or, you could just sling your favorite highbrow one-word insult.

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